1d20 wizardly afflictions

In the vein of 1d20 spells from a cursed spellbook, here's 

1d20 wizardly afflictions

Art by Perplexing Ruins

1. Localised portent. The patient's viscera rearranges into meaningful forms. Small objects nearby may transform into birds or comets.
2. Mano-a-manomania. An uncontrollable obsession with magical duels. Treatable with high dosage antimagic.
3. Sympathetic polymorph. The patient reflexively takes on the forms they magically impose on others.
4. Partial possession. Intermittently under the control of imps or quasi-elemental spirits. Contagious.
5. Cetaceanthropy. Transmitted by bite (usually a disease of krill). The patient swims amok on the night of the full moon.
6. Antimitosis. Sometimes called 'void disease'. Incurable reverse aging accompanied by disintegration of bodily tissues.
7. Clone narcissism. Obsession with the perfection of one's own form, growing in a vat.
8. St Belthin's Fever. Infection occurs during thunderstorms. Symptoms include glowing eyes, shivers, electrical discharge.
9. Intestinal bookworms. Ubiquitous parasitic reminder about proper hand hygiene while reading mouldering tomes.
10. Persistent featherweight. A lingering spell reduces the patient's mass. Prolonged affliction causes brittle bones and muscle atrophy.
11. Psychic papercut. Stinging pain in the mind brought on by telepathically reading recklessly fast.
12. Orb-gazer's wrist. Strain caused by the weight of an overheavy head resting chin-on-upturned-palm.
13. Oak gall stones. A solstice-time disease, thought to be caused by mishandling of galls during preparation of magical inks.
14. Chronic hubris. Pathological egotism characterised by challenges offered against the gods. However, see also early onset apotheosis for differential diagnosis.
15. Transitive curse. A tomb-hex heritable from mentors, yes-men, and ideological allies.
16. Wand splinter. Burrows deeper to get away from any tweezers not made of meteorite iron.
17. Petridermis. Overuse of protective spells leads to gradual stoneification of the patient's skin. Very bad for the pores.
18. Prophetic bones. Generally benign. Affected bones have a telltale ache on planes where the concept of weather does not exist.
19. Component magnetism. A lingering magnetic attraction to moss, sulfur, dried spiders, guano, and so on. Brought on by reckless overreliance on telekinesis.
20. Early onset apotheosis. A traumatic rupture in the godhead leads to total or partial deification.

I had been thinking about Discworld's magical afflictions (like 'planets'), and that made me wonder what sort of bedevilments the Thirty Wicked Wizards would suffer from.

 

For more build-your-own wizardly fever-dream content, check out my zine, Wiki Articles Are Wizards [citation needed].

Wiki Articles Are Wizards!

Wizards are bizarre uniquities who carve their own paths through reality like rogue stars.

Wiki Articles Are Wizards [citation needed] is my new zine for crafting these characters out of wiki articles, then pitting them against each other in a wizard-off!

To get a thematically consistent weird wizard with spooky powers and an appropriately unpleasant set of personality traits, you'll want to use procedural generation rather than strictly random generation. This small book gives you a comprehensive method for doing that, using wiki articles as the inspirational material, and has all sorts of bonus wizard-lore to boot.

🧙 Available today!

 

And I'm publishing a companion piece: a collection of troublesome characters, 30 Wicked Wizards!

From Miarthetrolut the Regulator (who meddles with fish kinematics) to Sthogar the Ambitious (and his reanimated giant spiders)!

The thirty wizards and archwizards in this zine-style book are all made using the Wiki Articles Are Wizards rules, all laid out in a splattery OSR style, and all very weird and wicked.

🧙 Also available today!

 

As well as print copies, you can get a digital edition of either zine!

Are you interested in both? Hey! You can grab the PDF bundle!

 

Craft wizards out of Wiki articles

The Kickstarter campaign for my weird 2025 Zine Quest contribution is wrapping up, and I'm blown away with the level of support.

Wiki Articles Are Wizards [citation needed] is mostly about making bizarre wizards from wiki articles and showing them off in duels. In this note which I'm cross-posting from a Kickstarter update, I'll show you how it works.

Step one: Find an article.

Any decently long article with descriptive bits will do. Let’s choose the Wikipedia article on ‘puzzles’.

Step two: Generate some wizard aspects.

Amongst the zine's many tables, some (pages 10–17) give you templates which turn wiki article content into wizard features. Choose a template, then fill in its blanks by picking something out of the article.

For example, sometimes you'll be asked to use a little bit of description from the article, turning it into an activity, descriptor, or thingummy. Other times you'll compress and mangle names from the article’s references into a fantastic name. (See page 8 for more info!)

We'll pick out some descriptive phrases from our chosen article on puzzles: ‘riddle of the Sphinx’, ‘hangman’, ‘missing square’, ‘used the resulting pieces as an aid for teaching’, ‘16th century’. We turn them into wizard traits:

• Kangdell the Sphinx’s Hangman was cast down into this world from the Great Dreaming sixteen centuries ago. From head to toe, his body is missing squares; he uses the pieces as an aid for teaching.

Note that 'Kangdell' is a mangled name from the article's reference section.

Then we can pick out some more content from the wiki article and use it to construct more traits: ‘the Maze of Games’, ‘the World’s Biggest Puzzle’, ‘put pieces together (or take them apart)’

• They call his lair the Maze of Games. His minions are automata which put pieces together (and take things apart) without cease. The work currently open on his lectern is titled: The World’s Biggest Puzzle.

Pages 18–21 are full of even more tables, to give our wizard some personality descriptors. We use these by choosing the first and last letter of the article title, which in our example are the P and S from ‘puzzles’. Add some random rolls for the relevant tables and we find that Kangdell is 'particularly proud', and 'somewhat spiteful'.

We round it out with a few more traits, in particular merging a few categories from the article into his research interests: ‘requiring strict adherence to a particular kind of order’, ‘Category: List of impossible puzzles’, ‘Category: List of puzzle types’, ‘Category: Mechanical disentanglement’

• People find Kangdell the Sphinx’s Hangman to be particularly proud and somewhat spiteful. He requires strict adherence to his particular kind of order. He amuses himself by disentangling types of impossible puzzles.

Step three: Create spells, defences, and artefacts.

Now that we know what Kangdell is like and have a sense of his 'theme', we create his magical arsenal from article content, using some simple guidelines for spell names (pages 22–23). We'll create three spells, three defences, and three artefacts.

Picking some descriptive content out from the wiki article and turning them into spell names: ‘becoming’, ‘hidden object’, ‘the size of a sand grain’, ‘sawed around’, ‘many riddles’.

Three powerful spells Kangdell knows:

• Swilsnor’s Hidden Saw
• Spoerork’s Many Riddles
• Become The Size Of A Sand Grain

Then picking out some article content that sounds more defensive or obscuring: ‘World Cube’, ‘three cups’, ‘unite the elements’, ‘enigmatology’, ‘disentanglement puzzles’, ‘the outline’.

Three of Kangdell's magical defences:

• Eymaugladoun’s Three Cups of Disentanglement
• Pftpievandal’s Enigmatic Outline
• Uniting of the World Cube’s Elements

Our wizard should also have some magical treasures and objects of power! This article has lots of great possibilities, and I ended up choosing: ‘nine linked-rings’, ‘temple tablets’, ‘cartographer’, ‘a perplexing problem’, ‘folding problem’, ‘advanced device’.

Three artefacts secretly in Kangdell's possession:

• Botesmackar the Cartographer’s Advanced Device
• The Nine Linked Rings of Folding
• The Perplexingly Problematic Temple Tablets

Step four: Pick extra lore and traits.

We can add detail to Kangdell the Sphinx’s Hangman by sprinkling in lore and special powers from the extra tables of Ancillary Wizard Information (Part 6 of the zine). Here are some possibilities:

• Should his staff ever be broken, Kangdell breaks into the same number of pieces (and is mildly inconvenienced as a result).
• He has fragmented memories of four centuries in the jar, bored out of his brain (which was all he was at the time).
• Kangdell wears socks and sandals and carries a little grimoire in his deep-pocketed robe.
• His tower is cuboid, and moves when nobody is watching. Its stones are lined with symbol-inscribed tiles.

There's lots to do with Kangdell!

Our wizard is prone to petty grudges, magical disputes, and ego clashes, and as a result, his cabal will be duelling in the Great Wizard-Off. For information on this and so much more, check out the zine! Available now!

This post was updated in June 2025.

Wiki Articles Are Wizards [citation needed]

Wizards are disquieting, unique, and steeped in magic. This wizard leaves a trail of fungus wherever he goes, and keeps his spells under glass. [1] That one is nine feet tall and orbited by tiny comets. [2] Another has matchboxes full of slithering tongues, which do his talking for him. [1][3][disputed – discuss]

Announcing Wiki Articles Are Wizards [citation needed], a tome of instruction for crafting such twisted sages! [clarify]

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/periaptgames/wiki-articles-are-wizards-citation-needed

➡️ Step one: Take any article from Wikipedia, or another wiki

➡️ Step two: Follow some simple rules to transform it into a weird, dangerous wizard

➡️ Step three: Pit your wizards against each other, using a tournament-style mini RPG

➡️ ...Or use them as inspiration for characters or villains [ambiguous] in your own games!

Enjoy a hefty tricolour [4] zine with:

➡️ Rules for creating arsenals of spells and protective amulets! [citation needed]

➡️ The truth about true-names! [5]

➡️ More wizardly lore than you can shake a staff at! [original research?]

➡️ Random tables for wizard anatomy, habitats, peculiarities, and more! [vague]

 

 

Inspired by: Wikipedia deep dives, and wizards from old pulps and comics, GLOG, Discworld, and Dying Earth! [1][2][4]

Follow the Kickstarter to get notified when the campaign begins! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/periaptgames/wiki-articles-are-wizards-citation-needed